| UCLA Creative writing class (assignment: a letter) |
[08 May 2003|12:39pm] |
Dear David,
Please pardon my recent absence and not being to able to call you back for the weekend. You see, after the sex show, I was dragged into one of the windows lined with black and red light by a half Dutch half Indonesian amalgamation of beauty. Apparently, they have a union here in Amsterdam which provides for a more regulated sex industry. While receiving what the locals call a "15 minute suck and fuck" I began pondering about life. And in particular my consumerist way of life. That is why I decided that I will from now on, no longer be a part of this capitalist beourgeousie society. After our long discussions at Norm's on Pico, I know that you have made your point both for and against this crazy world that we live in. I must admit that I am thoroughly confused. I listen to the Eminem CD with explicit lyrics about sex and disease, feeling both excitement and fantasy about sex with exquisite music video models, but at the same time feeling the sorrow of having monogamous sexual activity with only one person -- and someone I don't really even think I have a future with. Is it just my priorities out of whack or am I just really crazy for even thinking this? Just how do I plan to withdraw myself from the disease-ridden city? Well, I have submitted my application for entrance into the all-Vegan commune just north of Pasadena. If I make it through the first round of interviews, all I have to do after that is pass my stool examination and I'm in. I want to apologize in advance because if I am admitted to the commune, I will not be able to participate in the National Diabetics Association all-San Gariel Valley Boba and Chili cook off as the commune forbids members from participation in any third party Boba and Chili cook offs. I hope that you will understand and be in support of my decision. Once admitted into the commune, I will no longer be able to communicate with you or Jane via any electronic device. Please reply to this letter with another handwritten letter or personal telegram. I love you.
Your father,
Jack
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| sitting a MADAME BOBA in old pas |
[25 Feb 2003|08:42pm] |
hey journal readers
i'm starting to realize the value of this LJ thing here...like i read D's journal, and i'm like wow, that's what's she's been up to...then i read Wolfe's journal, and i realize how my life isn't so bad...HA HA SUCKER
just kidding, wolfe, if i had real emotions, i would be as expressive -- actually i DO have real emotions, i've never felt so much fear of failure in my life. then i try to remember that i have friends that couldn't care less about this useless whining, and that life isn't so bad...
okay, enough of this existential crisis...what am i doing right now? i'm sitting at madame boba on an internet station, in between two ladies. to the right is a game of backgammon and to my left is a lady chatting it up on msn.
made some efforts to pass out flyers for thursday's at HALIE. since the success of the lounge and new years at AD, i am encouraged to create a more comfortable happening place
where my friends can relax and check in regularly...in person, in real time live
got the New Year's AD video/DVD from Wilson, it looks good, really good, it looks like an episode of E's 'wild on' -- and Mayflower did a great job as the host. we should have it up on the website soon, so stay tuned
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| who is reading this anyway |
[13 Feb 2003|02:52pm] |
so that's it huh
this is sort of public information on LJ -- what do i want to share with you
why do we choose to use the computer and not the phone? why do we choose to use the phone instead of talking in person?
but don't get me wrong, it is much good fun having online friends...and another thing, we have the lounge (and soon we'll have HALIE on thursdays)...but I HAVE A DREAM, I DREAM THAT ONE day, I will live in a community surrounded by people who all share a vision, everyone will have a purpose, and everyone will maximize their potential...there will be no jealousy, envy, greed, just pure unadulterated lustfilled but meaningful orgies everyday -- who's with me?
i am not a pervert, i just have a lot of suppressed feelings...and i blame nothing but myself. i am surrounded by my beautiful friends who tease me day in day out, we play these silly games...ahhh, wouldn't it be nice if we could just let go, and be ourselves even for just one day?
yes, it is fantasy -- but that's what dreams are made of...i can't deny that within this thin awkward body of mine, there is an inner porn star on the verge of busting out, but that's just me...does anyone else get horny in the afternoon, or under stress?
and this is public information you have just read, so leave here knowing i've just shared with you a rembling session that can do without your condescending shame-based confucious inspired judgments and assumptions -- just let me live
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| the procrastinator |
[10 Feb 2003|02:06pm] |
not lazy
not incompetent
not inadequate
just have a bad habit of procrastinating
what can i do? set small goals for the day and accomplish them. then reward myself with a big fat hit from the bong, or a single malt glenlevit on the rocks...yeah, that's a life worth living for
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| UNRELATED |
[15 Dec 2002|08:27pm] |
My insanity
It's only just begun
This constant
Self check
Double check
Triple check
Get me out of this Self
So I can see objectively
What's fun?
Watching the Simpsons
Going somewhere
Going to the gym with Wilson
Conversations on the way to the club
Started to realize that I don't have much fun
Where did the joy in my life go?
My insanity
It's only just begun
Shopping for new tires
Shopping for vintage overalls
Smelling my own feet
Playing video games
Stoned conversations
Being the center of attention
Helping a friend run errands
Accompanying my mom to costco
Making mundane acts interesting
Thank you
You are my friend
You make my life less shitty
Without you there would be too much
Shit for me to bare all on my own.
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| searching for truth |
[19 Sep 2002|12:51am] |
wow
if asked what i've been up to since my last entry, I'd say, "Shit, i went to hell and back and then back to hell and then back here again."
that's how it feels. i should have frequent flyer miles on Air Hell. i wonder what their VIP members' lounge is like...bet they mix a wicked Bloody Mary
what's hell like you ask? well, hell's a small state in my mind. because hell's a small
state, it's always trying to invade the other states, particularly the united states of
sanity.
when hell takes over, man, it is a swift conquest. hell's a ruthless dictator,
a facist, hijacking my soul. a master of disguise, the scariest part is that sometimes i'm
unaware that hell's in control. and i, being a master of denial, will carry on for days,
weeks, months firmly believing that i am still in control.
the only time i realize that hell's taken over is when i catch myself being bitter.
thinking bitter thoughts, consumed by envy, blinded by rage, obsessed with pride...
i can actually feel my heart grow colder, when i think, "yeah, i gotta be strong, gotta be
hard, can't let anyone know that I actually care". it seems like I've been this way for
many years now, on and off, of course. what can i do? i decided to ask a higher source
ME: how did i get this way?
GOD: i don't have an answer for you dude. it seems like you've become completely jaded.
thinking bitter thoughts, consumed by envy, blinded by rage, obsessed with pride...
ME: I think I said that already.
GOD: it's partly my fault. after i created the universe, i wanted to create something, a
creature that would be able to take care of my universe without my supervision. something
self-sufficient. one outcome i didn't anticipate was how fecking selfish this creature
turned out to be.
ME: did you just use the f-word?
GOD: NO.
ME: okay, so i'm selfish. who isn't?
GOD: A ha! It's that kind of mentality that perpetuates your problem. Why do you believe
that everyone is selfish?
ME: hmm, because they ARE?!
GOD: okay, that may be the case, but does that mean you have to be?
ME: it's become instinctual now, it's so effortless.
GOD: yes, that's true. but are you all about doing things because it's easier?
ME: who me? choose path of least resistance? who doesn't?
GOD: does that mean you have to?
ME: again, it's so effortless.
GOD: and why are you complaining if everything is so 'effortless'?
ME: i don't know...because i'm UNHAPPY.
GOD: unhappy...oh you poor baby. i created man to take care of the universe, i didn't
create man to be happy. I don't know why all y'all feel like you need to be happy.
Happiness is an artificial emotion that you created. I had nothing to do with it. Heck,
if it were up to me, you'd all be stoic gardeners. And another thing, I'm tired of all
y'all blaming me for everything, calling my name when something bad happens, and all them
athiests who don't even think i exist, how would you like it if certain people denied your
existence?
ME: well, what about when people call your name in ecstacy?
GOD: hmm, that's kinda flattering i guess...carry on, carry on
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| one year ago |
[11 Sep 2002|02:10pm] |
Tuesday Morning
7AM, Los Angeles, September 11 2001
The phone rings.
ME: Hello?
MY BROTHER, JOHN, IN NY: Turn on the TV.
I turn on the TV to see the first tower collapsing.
JOHN: Aren't Mom and Dad supposed to be coming home today?
I run to the fridge and grab their itinerary.
ME: Yup, there on UNITED from Paris to LAX with a connection at Dulles.
TELEVISION: There is believed to be four or five more planes missing...
My eyes are glued to the TV, the phone rings every two seconds as
I field calls for the rest of the morning from panicked aunts and uncles.
I call UNITED every half hour for their flight status--can't get through.
I checked the web site for updates...at about 11:30AM, the web site lists their plane has
been grounded in HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA.
Thank goodness.
Still waiting for a confirmation call from Dad himself.
Finally, at about 5pm, my old man calls
DAD: Hi Fred. I'm calling from the airphone, your Mom and I are okay. There are about forty
other jetliners here and they have to figure out what they're going to do with all of us.
No one's allowed to leave the cabin or collect their luggage.
The next afternoon, September 12, 2001
DAD: Hi Fred. Just calling to let you know that we've been bussed to an army base about 3 hours away from the airport in Halifax. We're instructed to stay here until they start letting planes fly again.
ME: Where's Mom?
DAD: Oh, she can't come to the phone, she's in line for soap and towels.
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| easy listening for the office |
[06 Sep 2002|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 devious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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http://www.raynak.com/~rusch/mixsets/christian_rusch_-_radio |
] |
that link is to a demo track my buddy in Sweden mixed.
smoove melodic trance....oh yeah kinda makes me want to grind my teeth...
went to the standard wednesday night
fell in love with a waitress there
jessica is her name
a hawaiian/korean amalgamation of beauty
there is a god
there's another cutie i met there that night
hope she comes to the lounge tonight....
ohmigod, look at me going on and on like a little school girl.
okay, happiness is staying in and watching dvds with a special person and fooling around during the movie
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| interpret this freud |
[04 Sep 2002|12:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
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harddrive hum by the pentium pete band |
] |
last night i dreamt that i was on vacation staying at some quasi-chic hotel like the W, but the place was infested with black butterflies and my brother kept complaining to me to do something about them. so in all my geniusness, i decide to catch them individually and use thin black straws to mount and decorate the room with them. i caught one or two and then gave up. then i discovered a roped off section in the hotel room with stairs that led up to the attic. in the attic was a bed and a bunch of c-stands holding up mirrors. immediately i thought i was on the set of a porn film. that's funny b/c the night before i dreamt that i got hired to do a voice over gig to dub a porno. too bad it was just a dream, i was supposed to get paid really well for that job!
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| test |
[04 Sep 2002|01:47am] |
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testing
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